Suddenlies...

Thursday, December 30, 2010
The Waiting Room: A Suddenly Around the Corner
By: Destiny Vandeput

Being alone just wasn’t something I was interested in.

I was that girl that always had a boyfriend and thrived off of all the drama that it would entail. I loved the attention and the activity; I loved the dates and I even enjoyed the fights.

The concept of a waiting room was not anywhere on my radar, I was having fun! Right?

Yet, even in all my “fun” of playing the field I was depressed, sad, constantly struggled with thoughts of suicide and above all else I viewed myself as someone who could never be fully loved for who I was. I was a dark person.

But for Jesus.

Isn’t that the phrase that has saved us all from a life of misery, depression and pain?

When I was 20 I had a radical encounter with Jesus that shook me to the core and forever changed my DNA. This girl who thought herself as too rough around the edges to ever be loved, all of a sudden was overwhelmed with the thick, ever encompassing love of Jesus that filled every crevice and left no area unaffected.

My life of sexual immorality had been washed in the blood of Jesus and I was healed; healed in places I didn’t even know I was wounded.

I left my old life and knew I never wanted to go back. I never wanted to be that dark person again.

Oddly enough God had a crazy plan for my life that would consist of meeting the man that was meant to be my husband the same month that began my transformation with God. He saw me at my darkest and lowest points and he saw me through my victories and breakthroughs. He saw me going through deliverance and inner healing. He saw me sobbing with snot coming in streams down my face; he saw me vomiting because my very body was rebelling against exposing and working through the pain of my own life. He saw my dark and then he saw my light and he loved me.

So my story of waiting is a little odd.

God transformed me at a school in Cyprus called Gateways Beyond and when I left that school I was an entirely different person, but I was also in love.

Do you know how confusing that was?

I was convinced that God would put me through a LONG period of singleness because I needed to pay some major penance for all my immorality, right? Because that’s so God who delights in punishing us for our mistakes? No. I should have known immediately that God had something different in store for me.

Within a year and a half of getting saved and meeting Jonathan, we were married. I don’t want to get into it all here, but if you are interested in reading our ENTIRE love story, you can do so HERE. But the main point is that God brought him into my life at ground zero, before I could construct walls, before I could block him out of certain areas. He and I began at my most vulnerable point and God knew that was what I needed to go into a marriage.

So there I was: the girl who had always been told she would always be too much for any man; that no one could truly love because her personality was too strong; God brought the perfect man for me. A strong, European man who was passionately in love with God, who challenges me and leads our marriage. Who encourages me to run hard after God and the things He has placed in my heart. Who has given me the gift of motherhood to the most beautiful little girl, the cutest little boy and another little boy on the way. Who has led us on an adventure that has landed us in another country contending for the Heavens to open over a region. And all of this in the last 5 years!

I’m living the life I never thought I wanted, but now know is everything I was meant to live and more.

You never know what can happen in your life and at what moment.

God works in suddenlies.

Literally one month I was partying, doing drugs and living a life of sexual immorality and the NEXT MONTH I had been radically changed. The next year I was married. The year after that I was a mother.

If there is one thing that I have experienced and am learning to embrace is that life changes quickly.

What may seem like an eternity waiting could be over in a blink of an eye.

So I guess that’s my encouragement to those in the Waiting Room. Trusting God and knowing that He has your very best in mind and that that very best may be the exact opposite of what you had in mind. That the life you are leading today may look entirely different than the life you will live a year from now.

The hardest part of waiting is being okay with that. Embracing the roller coaster that is our lives and saying, YES to the plans and purposes of a higher calling.

A grateful heart prepares the way for the Lord, yet you can be grateful for the rollercoaster ride the Lord is leading you on, but emotions are still a choice. You can hold on tight, knuckles white and clench your eyes closed or you can scream as loud as you can, raise both hands in the air and embrace the ride!

You want to enjoy the Waiting Room, not just survive it.

So here's to life and embracing even the most uncertain times of waiting, because as my life is testimony, there is a suddenly around the corner.

By: Destiny Vandeput
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Blog: http://www.belgexan.com/

Single in this season...

Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Waiting Room: Why I'm Still Single
By: Laura Stephens

Lately, it seems more and more people keep asking why I’m not married yet. I’m 29 and apparently I should be worried about being nearly 30 and still single. But…I’m not at all. There are so many reasons why I’m content with my life even if a husband isn’t in the picture. In fact, you could even say that I’m choosing to view my singleness as a privilege. Yes, it’s true. There are a lot of things to be thankful for in this stage of my life. Here, I’ll even list a few of my favorite things about being on my own.

* The ability to travel frequently all over the United States with my job. I’m gone a lot and I realize this wouldn’t be possible or wise if I were married. So…I’m loving this part of my life mucho gusto.
* Spending money and giving it away on things I decide on. This may appear a bit selfish but I really do enjoy buying things like pretty dresses or concert tickets without checking with another person.
* Sleeping late. No further explanation needed.
* Freedom to serve and give of my time and resources. I have a lot more free time than friends of mine who are married and have children. It’s fun and fulfilling to do things like volunteer at a homeless shelter, bake cookies for the elderly, go on mission trips with my church, etc.
* SLUMBER PARTIES! I love having my girl friends over and staying up late and being as loud as we want. I’ll never forget these times.
* Dating. It’s fun. I find joy and energy in meeting new people. Personally, I see nothing wrong with going on dates as long as I’m honest about how I’m feeling.
* Did I mention the freedom to travel? Oh yes, I’m mentioning it again because I’m planning a trip to Ireland/Scotland in a few months and it’s possible because of my stage of life. Are you tired of that saying yet? Hehe. Well…it’s the only one I can think of.
* Exploring passions and hobbies that I never thought I could do. I’m in the middle of so many projects – photography, music, blogging, creating, thrifting, sewing, a full time job I love, a new part time job at Urban Outfitters just because I’ve always wanted to and have the time, crafting, travel…and on and on and on. Life is so good.
* My apartment smells like a girl. Yea, I like that.
* Having the freedom to stay in Dallas or move across the country to Portland, OR. I have a crush on Portland and want to move there eventually. This would be a lot harder to do if I were married with little kiddos.
* Spoiling my adorable little niece. She won’t be here until February BUT I’m planning on loving on her every second I get because she’s the only baby my attention is going towards at the moment.
* Spending the holiday with my family instead of juggling the time. I’m soaking up the moments I have with my family because I know there could be a day when I have to pick and choose which holiday is spent where.
* Enjoying the life I have can be done without a husband. Basically, I’m content.

I’m content because I haven’t felt the way my married friends have about another person. I’m content because there is more to life than being married. I’m content because there’s a lot of living left to do and time goes by so quickly. And I’m content because I’m not ready for marriage…simple as that. Will I ever be? Possibly. But if not, I’m content knowing God knew my life would be ok without it. Maybe even great, and so far it has been.

Laura Stephens
Location: Dallas, TX
Blog: http://sunshineandstarlight.wordpress.com/

More Thoughts on Singleness...

By Guest Blogger Elisabeth Dunn!

The Waiting Room: No Compromise

One of the most common things that you hear about relationships is that they are full of compromise. Give and take. I am a single young woman. I have never had a boyfriend nor have I ever been in a serious courting relationship. I would like to suggest that as young women waiting for the right man to come along we should be a lot less willing to compromise in certain areas of our lives. I would also like to add that I am writing from a single girl's point of view and I am fully aware that my opinion on this matter might change when I meet my husband, but until then...

My Father told me once that it was very important to marry a man that had a similar call to mine so that I would not feel like I needed to lay down part of my calling in order to marry him. I often find myself confused by young women who date men that they can't see themselves spending the rest of their lives with. It makes me wonder what they are giving up just to play the dating game. I do not believe that we have time to waste on shallow relationships.

This might seem harsh, but how many girlfriends have you sat and cried over a broken heart with? How many times have you heard a girl say she became someone else to be with "him"? How many times have you heard a girl say I changed everything about myself? Or I gave "him" everything? Please believe me I am not trying to make men out to be evil, but for some reason sometimes even without being pressured to, we change everything about ourselves for the attention of a man. A compromise a girl should never make.

I believe that the man is the head of the household and when the time comes I will submit to my husband's authority, but before I even consider a relationship with a man I must know that he has a heart for the nations. Specifically for Israel and Ethiopia. I have to know that he will go wherever the Lord says to go. He has to have a heart for children and orphans. He must love family. These are things I will not compromise on. I will not give these up.

A close friend of mine told me once that marriage isn't about two halves becoming one. It is about two whole people becoming one. I am doing everything I can to be a completely whole person before I meet my husband. The callings that the Lord places on our lives as women is every bit as important as the calling he has placed on our future husband's lives. I just think that sometimes we forget this. I believe there would be a lot less broken hearts if as women we would be less willing to compromise the most important parts of who we are.

Waiting for your husband isn't a sit and twiddle your thumbs kind of thing. God has made us to do great things. You wouldn't want to miss out on something because you are waiting for a man do them with. Who knows he might come sooner than you think if you aren't just sitting around waiting.

Elisabeth Dunn
Location: Grand Prairie, TX
Blog: http://elisabethdunn.wordpress.com/

What are you waiting on?

Waiting is uncomfortable. It can simultaneously make us anxious, frustrated, disappointed, and sad. It has a way of testing our character and our hearts. But, the Lord has asked each of us at some point in our lives to wait. And, if I were guessing, I'd say you're waiting on something right at this moment. It can be a tiny inconvenience or an answer to a prayer you've been waiting on for a very long time. I feel like I know a little something on this topic. Specifically in the area of relationships. Or should I say, the lack of one in particular.

I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine about our frustration with "dating." We were joking about how many set-ups and/or blind dates we've been subject to lately. Between both of us, it's over half a dozen. Please know that I'm not opposed to being set-up...at all. God works in ways that I have yet to figure out, so I'm open to however He wants to work in my life! Our frustration was more about the set-ups being less than what we had hoped for, or maybe in some cases, not at all what we were looking for. And then the ones we do get excited about, inevitably don't work out. For you single girls (& guys) out there, you know exactly what I'm talking about! Let's face it, dating is just hard. I think it's been harder for me because I never thought I would have to wait this long for the "one." I always envisioned myself getting married in my early twenties. I'm the girl who has dreamed about her wedding day and future marriage since I was a teenager. It's always been a when not an if I get married. Every year as I've gotten older, however, I am more worried about the when. Another year passes and it still hasn't happened, and I find myself disappointed yet again. I've come to the realization that I am waiting on this to happen...just this. That everything else in my life pales in comparison to that one thing I want more than anything. Not that I don't love my life, I do. But, at times, I'm waiting on a man like my life depends on it. And it doesn't. My life should be first and foremost about Christ. That's it. Only HE deserves that place.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" - Psalm 37:4

The desire to have a husband hasn't gone away. It's still very much there. But, I've come to the point where I don't want to wait for a man...I want to wait on the Lord. I know, sounds kind of elementary right? Like, why haven't I already been doing that? Well, I have in some ways, but I've also been waiting on my prince to show up any second. I can't make it happen; only the Lord knows when it's supposed to happen and when the timing will be perfect. I want to rest in that. I want to delight in Him. Still, I know that even as I write these words there will be days I am going to fight to rest, to trust. Waiting is painful. It's uncomfortable, remember? But, sometimes, I believe the Lord puts us in these seasons to develop something more beautiful out of us that couldn't have been done otherwise. This isn't the way I would have chosen, but I do choose to trust Him.

So, what are you waiting on? Maybe you're already married and your season of singleness has passed. Maybe you're now waiting on a baby, or a dream job, or physical healing. Whatever it might be, I encourage us to live each day with joy while we're waiting. Because when that one thing we've been waiting on finally comes, we'll be waiting on another prayer to be answered that we may not even know about yet.

The Waiting Room-Intro: A Blog Series on...Singleness

I know I've posted a mini-series on singleness in the past, but this one will be slightly different. Instead of just my perspective, you will have the privilege of hearing from several guest bloggers in the next week. Some are married, some are single, but all have something to say on this topic that I believe will encourage you no matter what season you're in currently.

Enjoy this introduction from my blogger friend, Jenae! www.racheljenaeblog.com

Stay tuned for more awesome bloggers, from different perspectives and seasons of life on the subject of Singleness. Bring your thoughts, your opinions, your questions and share them with us!

How thankful am I?

It's that time of year again that comes & goes all too quick. A time to stop and be thankful for the many undeserved blessings we each have in our lives. I imagine if we were to make a list, there wouldn't be enough paper to contain them. But do we really think about it on a daily basis or just when we celebrate "Thanksgiving?" I know I'm guilty of not being grateful enough. It's a practice I have to mentally discipline myself to do. But, why doesn't it just come naturally to me? With everything I've been given, I should be overflowing with thanks, right? Yet, I'm not always.

Last week, I heard a sermon on being thankful that gave me a new perspective on why that may be. It was a typical "Thanksgiving" sermon until he asked the questions, "If God never did one more thing for you, would you still find a reason to be thankful?" "If he never answered another prayer, would you still worship Him?" Wow. Loaded question, huh? Kinda makes you a little uncomfortable, right? Now, let me say that he followed that up by reminding us we serve a God who has mercy & compassion on us and loves to give His children good gifts. It delights Him to be able to bless us. But, it's definitely a question worth asking. Could I still be thankful if God never answered another prayer or never gave me the desires of my heart? My immediate answer should be yes. After all, He's already done the one thing I could never do for myself. He's saved me from a life apart from Him and has made me His own. That alone should cause me to praise Him continually. And, if that weren't enough, He chose not to stop there. He has blessed me beyond measure with wonderful family, friends, health, a job, a house, clothes, food, and the list could go on and on. So, what's my deal? When I let those questions sink in, my heart immediately went to the one thing in my life I want more than anything. To be a wife. It's a worthy desire in and of itself, but my issue arises when I choose to focus on what God has yet to give me instead of focusing on the hundreds of other blessings He has given me. I would venture to say that I'm not the only person who battles with that. We all have something we're waiting on. The prayer that has gone unanswered and the desire that has been unfilled. It can be so painful sometimes...believe me, I know. But, my challenge to you (and mostly to myself) is, will we choose to be grateful in the waiting? Will we choose instead to look at the blessings, no matter how big or small, that God has SO graciously poured into our lives? That's my prayer. I want to choose to have a thankful heart. And, if God never does one more thing in my life, I still want to worship and thank Him. That's the least I can do for what I have been given.

New Season, New You!

It's the first official day of Fall! Ahhhhh, my absolute favorite time of year! Starbucks, bonfires, leaves turning, cooler temps...who wouldn't love that!!? This is also my favorite time of year for fashion. Tall boots, over-sized sweaters, cute cardigans, and rich colors! I look forward to this all year long. Really I do. I'm not kidding.

Every new season, I take inventory of my wardrobe and decide what I will need to purchase and what I need to get rid of. I almost ALWAYS find things I need to get rid of! You know, the items in the back of your closet that you haven't worn in years but keep telling yourself you might wear them eventually. Yeah, never happens, right? This is where I can help...

Do you find yourself staring at your closet every morning and not finding a thing to wear? Or, maybe you have a ton to wear but can't figure out how to put great outfits together?? Enter M.E. (I told you I could help.) I started a wardrobe consulting/fashion styling/personal shopping business last year and it's something I truly love helping women with! It's so rewarding to not only construct the perfect outfit, but to watch a woman's self-confidence grow. I really believe that the right clothes can do that.

So, if you're dreaming about the Fall fashions that are out and not sure what to buy, or if you want to give your closet a total makeover, contact me for a quote! I'd love to be your personal stylist!

BeCAUSE of Beauty
Stephanie Hughes
931-588-9042
becauseofbeauty.steph@gmail.com

Wardrobe styling, Fashion consulting, Personal shopping

(Stay tuned for the next post on my Favorite Fall trends!)

29 never looked so good...

Well, it's that time again. My birthday. My favorite time of year...oops, that's Christmas. Ok, it's my SECOND favorite time of year! haha And, I'm just as excited this year as I was when I was 9. Why, you might ask, would I be this excited about 29? Especially when I'm one year away from 30 (oh boy)! Here's a few reasons...

1) It's the one day that I can be the center of attention & not feel guilty about it!
2) I get to spend time with family & friends that I love. (The best!)
3) The cards. (Yes, I love sweet words & for people to tell me what I mean to them...who doesn't!?)
4) The presents. (I'd be lying if I said otherwise).
5) The food. (A.K.A. eating desserts that I otherwise don't allow myself to indulge in). ;)
6) The hope that I'm one year closer to my unfulfilled dreams being fulfilled.
7) And lastly, because I'm NOT 30...yet.

So, here's to 29 and another great year! Maybe by the time 30 rolls around, I can look back on this year and say, wow, this has been the best year of my life! Happy Birthday to me!

Picture Perfect

I'm not sure when this love/hate relationship started, but for as long as I can remember I (mostly) hate having my picture taken. Because it seems that no matter how good I think I might look, the picture tells me otherwise. Now, I realize that a lot of people aren't crazy about their pictures, but this is a painful area for me. Really painful. And frustrating. Not only for me, but also for the people in my life. I've missed out on a lot of great "picture-taking" moments because of my insane need to control how I look in them. Vain? Yeah, probably so. But, not vain in a "I look so good" kinda way, but more in a "why do I always appear ugly in pictures?" (sigh) I get this is a really dumb thing to focus on, but nevertheless, it's something I struggle with and want to overcome.

So, thus begins "Operation Photo." (I just made that up for lack of a better name...don't steal it). ;) I'm going to make a conscious effort to not pick apart every little detail about myself in pictures, not compare myself to people who I think are photogenic, and RELAX more! It helps that I have great friends who actually know how to use a camera and have given me some awesome tips (thanks Jenna!)

So, this might take some butt-kicking from my friends (I'm giving you permission) and some practice on my part (a.k.a. self-portraits that won't be posted anywhere). I don't want to miss out on the moments captured in photos that I can never get back again. I realize that a lot of this begins in my mind and in my own perception of myself, so I need some adjusting there as well. Yet again, it's one more area that I need to give myself the grace NOT to be perfect. So, Operation Photo...commence! :)

Layers

Ever have one of those weeks when you just can't seem to get anything right? Where the same old stuff that you struggle with creeps up again? You think you're gaining victory, but you end up taking a few steps back. Yep, that was me last week.

I've never considered myself to be someone who has struggled with being a "perfectionist." I mean, maybe in a couple areas, but a full-blown perfectionist...no. Those are the people who have to get everything right. I'm not one of those people...or am I? I practically beat myself up over every little thing, I set way too high a standard, and then beat myself up again if I don't reach that standard. Heck, I sometimes even beat myself up over beating myself up! I know, crazy, right? And, if that's not enough, I imagine everyone else must see all my faults too.

Why is this thing called grace so hard to grasp? I catch glimpses & try to hold onto it, but it always seems to slip away again. Grace meets me at the intersection of logic and truth and I find myself at a crossroads. Can I move toward truth and fully embrace grace, or do I continue to follow my own logic that is not only void of grace but instead leads to condemnation? Because logic tells me that a perfect God couldn't possibly love an imperfect me. Right? So wrong. Because He does love me...every single bit of little imperfect me! I'm made up of so many layers. And, more & more, those layers are being pulled away to reveal the woman that God has created me to be. Loving, encouraging, loyal, creative, beautiful, smart, funny...and imperfect. But, peeling off layers can be painful. Because the more layers He removes, the more transparent I become, and the more I need His grace.

Francesca Battistelli's song, "Beautiful, Beautiful," has really spoken to my heart lately. And, is perfect for this topic. The chorus says...

Like sunlight burning at midnight
Making my life something so
Beautiful, beautiful
Mercy reaching to save me
All that I need
You are so
Beautiful, beautiful

Mercy reaching to save me. Save me from...me! I need His grace & mercy every day to remind me that on this side of heaven I will NEVER be perfect. But, I am His. And, with every layer peeled off, I'm becoming more like Him. I want to rest in that.

Lessons in the Waiting

I'm not very good at waiting. It's a real problem. I think I was born impatient. I don't even like waiting in line for longer than five minutes! And, if you've read my last two blog posts, then you've probably caught on that I've been in a season of waiting for a long time. Longer than I anticipated...or have wanted. But through this season, God has definitely grown & challenged me & I thought I'd share a little...

In Isaiah 54:5, it says, "For your Maker is your husband — the LORD Almighty is his name." This verse used to confuse me. I just didn't understand how God, my Father, could also be God, my husband. Not only that, but I would get frustrated because I wanted an earthly husband, someone tangible. But, over time, I've realized that if God is described as my husband in His word, then it must be because He is the only One who can be everything I need at every moment of my life. No one else can be that for me. Not even the man that God has intended for me. It's taken a long time to grasp this and I know I haven't even scratched the depth of His love toward me, but I get that He is the perfect provider, comforter, and friend. It doesn't make my longing for a guy any less real, but it has made me realize that my security has to be totally in the Lord. And, that the two can coexist. God is faithful to give me simple reminders of that.

Last week, a co-worker pulled me aside & asked if she could pray for me. I honestly had no idea what it was about, but I never turn down prayer, so of course I agreed! She told me that she knew I desired to be a wife and that she felt led to pray for my husband. Totally unexpected, but God knew I needed a little affirmation that day. She prayed some very spirit-filled prayers & it was such a blessing! It reminded me that sometimes you just have to keep asking. That's hard for me at times. I think, God must get tired of me asking every day for this! Yet, somehow, He's more patient than I am. And, I'm grateful.

Though this season has been a painful one, I can honestly say I'm more ready for marriage having gone through it. Besides knowing that God is my only security and that He still encourages me in the waiting, here's what else I know (and am still finding out)...

1) I'm not in control and can't make it happen...as hard as I want to, I just can't.
2) I don't want to make apologies that I'm picky. Everyone has preferences and I shouldn't feel bad about mine.
3) I might not get everything I'm asking for in a man, but I'm still going to ask...:)
4) I'm willing to be set up, but I'll use my own judgment on who I'm willing to be set up with.
5) That nothing is wrong with me because I'm still not married (although I still have moments with this).
6) That God's love is constant and not determined by my circumstances.
7) I have a lot to offer someone and am, myself, worthy of a man's love.
8) That God has had my husband picked out for me since before I was born.
9) That I might not meet my husband at church...or Starbucks (contrary to what some might think). :)
10) No matter what people's opinions are, God sees my heart.
11) Not everyone understands or wants to hear about my journey. Sometimes, you just have to take it to God.
12) That I am thankful for the friends God has put in my life that do understand.
13) To obey God in the now so He can trust me with the "later."

If you're in a waiting season, be encouraged. It won't last forever. It's just that...a season. And seasons, fortunately, change. I, for one, am looking forward to that.

Dreams & Disappointments

I mentioned in my last blog that this past year of my life as been quite the ride. By now you know that I went through some major changes, but I didn't go into the why. That's what this post is for...

From the time I was a little girl I dreamed about my wedding and the man I would one day marry. I know little girls everywhere dream about their future husbands, but I feel like it's different for me somehow. It's always been the strongest desire of my heart and I guess at times I've felt guilty because of it. Sounds weird, right? I mean, God put that in me for His purposes and I try and embrace it wholeheartedly, but I've felt misjudged for it at times. I've heard everything from, well, you just need to let that desire go...to you need to be ok with being single...to maybe God wants you to die to that desire...to you're just too picky (which I make no apologies for). Now, I know these are well-meaning people, but it does not help. In fact, it's hurtful. For anyone who has deeply desired something and has waited for longer than expected to receive it, those words can reinforce the thought that maybe I am crazy for wanting this. I mean, am I really that different from every other woman in this world? I want a husband that I can encourage, support, and love with my whole heart and one that can do the same for me. I want to be desired and loved by a man, and one who knows how to do that fully. I know it won't be perfect, and I know it won't complete me...that's not what I'm looking for. I just want to experience the journey & joy of marriage.

With every engagement, wedding, and shower that I'm a part of, it only increases my longing for it. I wonder, what's wrong with me? Why hasn't this happened for me yet? I go through the lies (yes, I know they're lies) in my head like, I'm not pretty enough, fun enough, spiritually mature enough...or it would have happened by now.

To say I've been disappointed that this dream is unfufilled is an understatement. There are times where my heart physically hurts. And, there's times I beat myself up for wanting this. Why can't I be like other girls who are content with singleness until the time for marriage is right. I've wrestled with this for so long. Too long. And, I'd like to tell you that it's gotten easier, but it hasn't. I've had a lot of "come to Jesus" meetings. And, I think he's ok with that. Only He really understands the depth of it. And, He's been merciful enough to also put the most amazing friends (& mom) in my life who have cried & laughed with me through it. Mostly cried.

I know that God has grown & taught me in my season of singleness in ways that I may not even see or understand. And, I am truly grateful for that. Really I am. But now, I want to move on! I know trials produce character, but sometimes...you just need a break. This past year was more painful than any I've walked through and yes, it's been mainly because the one change I kept hoping for is still being deferred. I've prayed for this year to be my best year yet. I;m also praying specifically for God to bring my future husband into my life this year. He may or may not answer those. But, a girl can still dream.

Quite a Ride

I never liked wooden roller coasters when I was a kid. You know the kind that go 70mph and are so rickety you feel like you could fly off at any second? Yep, those. I remember vividly the last time I was on one. I don't think I've ever been more terrified in my life. Total lack of control plus everything going way too fast equals scary. I literally closed my eyes until it was over. Not much has changed...I will NOT step foot on one of those things.

The last year of my life could be pretty much described like the above. Tons of uncertainty, many ups & downs, fear, frustration, relief. Pretty much any & every emotion you could feel, I've felt in the last year. It might be because...I've moved twice, lived by myself for the 1st time ever, quit my job, started a side business (still working on that one), began a new job, watched my best friend get married & move away, watched another longtime friend move to the other side of the country, dealt with some health challenges, and a few other things I won't go into. All that to say, it's been quite a ride. And at times, I've wanted to close my eyes until it all stopped. Or scream. Whatever seemed most appropriate at the time I was walking through it! Not to say there haven't been a few ups here & there, but overall, it's been a very challenging year. See, this girl doesn't handle change too well. But, I know the real reason it's been painful is that the one change I do want to happen, still hasn't.

So, I'm dedicating the next several blogs to a topic that I know way too much about (and wish I didn't): being single. I'll warn you, I'm going to be painfully honest at times. I might offend some people (although that's not my intention), and I might sound whiny (oh well). But, my real motive is to offer up what I've learned and hopefully encourage others who are in a "waiting" season in their lives.

I will say this isn't an easy topic for me to write about AT ALL, but I have LOTS to say, so I hope you'll keep reading...

To call her blessed

My mom & I have always been close...ok, I should rephrase that. My mom & I have been close since I've been in my 20s. We may have had a few struggles when I was a (rebellious) teenager. I try & block that time out. Don't get me wrong...I loved her then, I just didn't understand her advice or her way of thinking. I didn't get why I couldn't just do the things I wanted to do in the way I wanted to do them. At times, I thought she was trying to make my life more difficult.

I've grown up a little since I was a teenager. Ok, hopefully a lot. At least enough to appreciate my mom more every year. And on Mother's Day, a day to celebrate moms, I was reminded that I can't imagine my life without her. She's become more than just my mom, she's my best friend. She's also a spiritual mentor in my life, which is something I'm probably most grateful for. As I've gotten older & grown more in my walk with God, I find myself turning to her for wisdom & advice...a lot. Sometimes, she says exactly what I need to hear...and sometimes she says what I don't want to hear, but know I need. I know that the Lord has given me a gift; not everyone can say they have that type of relationship with their mom. I don't ever want to take her for granted. I'm not saying my mom's perfect, but I have learned so much from her insight. In Proverbs 31, verse 28, it says, "Her children rise up and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her." I could insert my mom's name in there. She is most definitely a Proverbs 31 woman...something that I aspire to be.

To have your children rise & call you blessed and your husband praise you is the highest honor & calling a woman can have on this earth. I really believe that. Mainly because God invented the idea of a wife and a mother. And when a woman knows how to be a good wife AND a good mom, she's a blessing not only to her family, but to those she encounters.

I have many friends who have exemplified the definition of a godly wife & mother. And from firsthand experience, it's so refreshing to see. Especially when this world doesn't seem to place as much value on honoring your role as a wife or mother.

So, this blog is dedicated to my beautiful friends who are wives and/or moms, and of course, to my own mom. I hope that I can be that godly example to someone else one day & take what I've learned & witnessed into my future marriage & family.

A woman's work

About a week ago, a friend invited me to a Women in Business luncheon in Brentwood. I decided it would be a great networking opportunity for my side business as well as a fun way to meet new people, so I went. Plus, the speaker, Mila Grigg, is an image consultant and fashion guru...right up my alley! She spoke specifically on how to dress professionally in the workplace and what that looks like since we all have varying occupations. It was so interesting and I have to say, most of what she said, I agreed with. She went over the basics of what not to wear of course, but also talked about how what we wear directly influences a person's opinion of us. Did you know that it only takes 5 seconds to create a lasting impression? Hmmm, who knew clothing & appearance could be so important, right? :) She also touched on something that hit home with me. She said that fashion is more of a "feeling" for women than for men and that it gives us the confidence we need in the workplace. In other words, if we feel good about how we look, it's going to affect our job performance for the better. I couldn't agree more. It's the whole reason behind why I wanted to do fashion styling in the first place. I love to encourage women because I am one and I know we need it! Being a woman with a career can be challenging in and of itself at times. For reasons that are different for each of us, I'm sure.

So, after I attended the luncheon, it got me thinking even more about the role a career plays in a woman's life. This might also be because it's the biggest thing going on in MY life at the moment. I've just accepted a new job at Lifeway corporate in Nashville and am SO excited about what God has in store for me there. It was a totally unexpected blessing during a very dry season in my life. Maybe I should back up & give you a synopsis of the last 6 months...

Last October I decided to quit my job at Thomas Nelson. I had been there three and a half years and came to a point where I knew it wasn't where or what I was supposed to be doing anymore. It was a tough decision in many ways because it was a good job with a good company & the best co-workers ever! But, I knew God was calling me to take a step out of my comfort zone. So, I accepted a job at a boutique in Green Hills and started a fashion styling business on the side. I loved working at the boutique, but it just wasn't meeting my needs financially, and the business was taking longer than I thought it would to get off the ground. So, in January I started looking for another "day" job. After many applications and several interviews with potential companies, I got a call from Lifeway in March that was totally out of the blue. I had put my application in a while back, but they were calling about a different position. It was in their church resources dept, which I have some experience in. A few weeks and two interviews later, I found out that I got the job! I should say that I felt years ago that God was going to put me at Lifeway one day, so this job offer was confirmation of that. I think that he has something for me to do there that's even beyond what I can see right now. I don't know what it looks like completely, but it'll be fun to see!

The majority of women now days have to work, by choice or not. But, I think that when we've found a career that not only gives us the confidence we need in life AND that we enjoy, but we're also doing it "as unto the Lord," it really makes a huge difference. He put men AND women on this earth to accomplish His purposes. He has put us each exactly where we're supposed to be for this season in our lives. And, that's exciting.

A weighty issue

I've never been one of those girls that was destined to be tiny. It's a struggle for me to lose the 10 pounds I've wanted to lose for, well, too long. I've always had issues with my size. I know, I know...most people probably wouldn't understand why. I mean, I know I'm not overweight, but since I'm not tiny either, I tend to put a magnifying glass to all the areas I'd like to shrink. My arms need to be smaller, my waist is too short, and my love handles need to be loved less. More than anything though, I know that if I focused less on these areas and more on the areas I'm happy with, it wouldn't be as big of an issue. Can you girls out there relate to that? Or is it just me?


They say the average woman is a size 12. So, why do the majority of fashion magazines picture a size 2 as the ideal? I wonder if we saw more pictures of "average" women we would have less issues with body image? Less issues with anorexia and bulimia. Society's standard of beauty can be physically & emotionally deadly to young women. Yet it's so easy to buy into...even if we don't realize we are. I'm guilty of it.

Now, I'm not saying that being a size 2 is wrong. Some women are born to be that way! There are a lot of women that are size 2's that are beautiful. But, there's so many women I know who aren't size 2's that are equally as beautiful. My point is that beauty shouldn't be measured by the size jeans we put on. Should it? We're all made so differently...for a purpose. Some of us are going to have to live with that butt & those hips, and some wish they had them! For me, I want to be able to embrace the shape that God gave me. That doesn't mean that I don't want to eat healthy, workout, and be the best version of me that I can possibly be. But, I do want to keep it in the right perspective. The whole "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" stuff that God talks about...yeah, that perspective. Hard to do, I know. But, I think it's possible.

If you struggle with this, as I know probably every woman on planet earth has, just know that you can gain freedom in this area. Every woman's journey is different. I'm still on the journey; I will be for a while I'm sure. I can tell you that when I choose to look at my "good" features, it makes a huge difference in my self-confidence. I know a woman is hardest on herself, but we ALL have features we like. So, look in the mirror & name them! Yep, name them one by one. I promise, it'll make a difference. And, know that whether you're a size 2 or 12, or something else entirely, you're beautiful to someone...and you're beautiful especially to the One who created you. The One whose opinion matters most.

The pain of beauty

B E A U T Y. A word that has many meanings depending on who you're talking to. It's been the subject of people across the world for generations. We see it in magazines, on billboards, across the Internet, in Hollywood, and well, everywhere. Women strive to be beautiful while men seek after it. It can invoke fear...pain...pride...peace. What is it about that little word that carries so much weight?

I don't want to get into a deep discussion about beauty or try and find some universal definition that doesn't even exist. I simply want to give a new perspective and tell you my journey...

Anyone that knows me really well, and I mean really well, knows that I have struggled with this issue of beauty for years. It's been a real source of pain for me. One that I don't completely understand. No one in my past, or present, has ever made me feel like I'm not beautiful. I've done a good job of that on my own. It's come from years & years of scrutinizing and picking apart all the little things about myself until they became huge things in my eyes. Until I believed the lies I was hearing in my head. I would venture out in saying though, that I'm not alone in this struggle. Women, especially, have a difficult time seeing themselves as beautiful. If you're a woman and you're reading this, chances are you've dealt with issues of low self-esteem and self-worth more than once in your life. And if you haven't, well then, you're a stronger woman than I am.

I'm probably the least likely candidate to be writing a blog on the topic of beauty. Especially when I haven't fully embraced my own. But, as I get older, I realize that slowly, at times very slowly, I begin to understand what it really means to be beautiful. It means not comparing yourself to others, accepting what you've been born with, working with what you have, finding the beauty in others, and most importantly, knowing that true beauty can only come from the Lord. He is beauty and it was because of beauty that He calls us his own. He endured pain to make us beautiful. That's the beauty I want to know more about.

In the coming months, I want this blog to serve as an encouragement to any woman who reads it. The Lord gave me the name, beCAUSEof beauty, not only for my wardrobe styling business, but also for a ministry to women that I believe He is calling me to. I love fashion (if you know me at all, you know that!), but I want whatever I do to have a cause behind it, hence the name. So, I'm not really sure where this journey will lead, but I'll keep you posted! Thanks for reading!