The View from the Waiting Room

January 15, 2011
The Waiting Room Series: The View from the Waiting Room
By: Katie Snyder

I've known Katie for what seems like all my life. In reality, it's been almost twelve years. She's one of the funniest, most talented, women of God I know. We've walked through some really tough seasons of life together, and also, some pretty great ones. I love her like a sister and even though I don't get to see her as often as I used to, we always pick up where we left off. This is one of her best blog posts I've read, so I know you're going to be encouraged and blessed after reading it.

I was in an actual waiting room the other day. It was uncomfortable. Most everyone was trying to appear to be preoccupied. Texting, reading, staring at the muted TV. I was watching everyone – which meant eyes darting to and fro, bodies leaning away from me in unnatural positions – I’m sure I was a little off-putting what with my notepad dead pan stares.

Every waiting room has its stereotypes, the annoying girl on the phone, spilling the nothings about her life so loudly just to let everyone know how important she is. The woman trying to tame her child as he runs all around the room shouting, “Bang, bang, bang!” and leaving the snotty contagious disease in his wake. The frail old woman nestled in her chair, barricaded in by her walker, taking a little morning snooze, who is seated next to her loving daughter who dotes on and coddles her gently and lovingly. The middle-aged, tubby man with his glasses on the tip of his nose with the newspaper caging him in from the rest of the room. I know you all have it pictured in your mind now – you see it so clearly, don’t you?

Do you know what I saw, though? I saw the glittering ring on that annoying girl’s finger, a girl at least 8 years younger than me, and I listened to her “nothings” about the dream wedding she was planning. I saw a mom, lovingly teaching and guiding her child, a child she had probably long awaited, joyfully expected, and loved with a love that no word could ever describe. I saw a woman, who had lived a long full life, who had raised her daughter in the way that she should go and was now resting in the safety of it. I saw a man, who just moments before that newspaper went up, had kissed his wife and stroked her face and told her that everything would be okay as she went into the examining room. I saw relationship all around me and there I was, just an observer, just a quiet little fly on the wall, taking it all in.

I am thirty years old. I am confident, independent, and steady. I am wise, candid, and have integrity. I love Jesus and I love His people. I am compassionate, sensible, and joyful. I love fiercely and passionately. I am faithful and loyal and quick to forgive. I have been through a lot of hard places in life and I know what it means, to the very core of my spirit, to choose that God is good all the time, no matter what my eyes see, my mind perceives, or my heart feels. I have been pruned, and cut down, and dug up, and replanted and pruned again…countless times. And I love God all the more for all of that gardening because I will never fail to bear good fruit now.

I am single. I have no children. I am in the waiting room. It is uncomfortable here. I distract myself with many things – friendships, TV, reading, movies – to make it through the wait. I often get caught up in what I’m doing and forget just how long I’ve been here, how lonely I really am. But then, I catch a glimpse of the clock and the ticking echoes so loudly in my head it’s almost deafening. I get impatient and pace the floor, I look out of the window, I watch all of the other people come and go from the waiting room and wonder when it will be my turn. My name has been called a few times, just for questioning, for clarification, but never to go back for real. Sometimes, I want to tell the receptionist to just cancel my appointment, I’ve got other things to do than just wait around here the rest of my life. Sometimes, I’m that girl on the phone; I just want someone to listen to my life. Someone to witness my life. Someone to share my life. Someone that will make my life seem important.

A few years ago, the Lord challenged me, “Katie, if you never marry, if you are never called “Mommy,” will you still choose me? Will I be enough?” I cried and mourned for a very long time that afternoon while the Lord patiently, lovingly waited for me to reply. My reply, of course, was yes. He’s a way maker. He makes a way when there seems to be no way. If I’m called to singleness, He’ll change my heart. But for right now, I have to practice what I preach. I can’t just say, “The Lord is enough,” I have to live my life in a way that shouts, “The Lord is enough for me…He’s all I need!!!!” I believe this most days, I struggle on others – but my struggling doesn’t change that He’s still enough – He’s who He says He is, even when I’m not who I say I am.

I struggle with feeling I’m unseen. I struggle that I know a lot of Godly men, some of whom have even told me point blank, “If I were looking for a wife, you are exactly what I’d look for,” and then they have listed out all of my attributes that make me a good choice for a wife…but even they don’t SEE me as anything but a sister, a friend, a confident, a source of Godly wisdom and counsel. I am unseen, veiled, and though this makes me set apart, as I should be, sometimes, I just want to yank that veil off and scream, “Pick me, you moron, I’m right here!”

But…for now, I’m going to stay in the waiting room. It’s hot and cramped and if I’m not careful…I could pick up something that makes me sick. I grow weary and impatient a lot of the time. I have to work hard to silence the incessant ticking of that ever tocking clock. I have purposed that I’m going to observe the life all around me and rejoice for those whose names are called. But, in my heart, I just await the day when the door creaks open, a chart is yanked off the wall, and my name is called out… “Katie, he’ll see you now.”

By: Katie Snyder
Location: Citrus Heights, CA
Blog: http://www.aglimpseatthislife.wordpress.com

Love is a Choice

January 11, 2011
The Waiting Room: Love is a Choice
By: Maegan Roper

Maegan and I met at work a couple years ago and instantly hit it off. She truly is one of the sweetest, most genuine people I've ever met, and that goes a long way in my book. She has shared wisdom & insight that is invaluable and I can honestly say that she is one of the most Spirit-filled women my age that I have ever met. I hope you enjoy this bit of wisdom & encouragement as much as I did...and leave her some blog love! :)

One can only watch so many romantic comedies or chic flicks before you start believing them. I partially blame my over-indulgent in fairy tale romance day-dreaming on some of those cheesy movies, but largely in part for my misunderstanding of what God's purpose/plan for the marriage relationship really is.

When I was in college, I got involved in a destructive, unhealthy relationship... with a youth leader and seminary student, nonetheless. But, we both were out for self-satisfaction and that seemed to always win in the battles we faced between the spirit and our flesh. My college & career minister at the time asked me a question I'll never forget: "Maegan, can you glorify God more with or without this person?" Knowing the answer in my heart, I started then seeking God wholeheartedly and asking Him to transform my perspective on relationships/marriage. Then, about 3 years later... my husband came along :)

I cherish those 3 years in between beyond explanation. God revealed Himself to me in ways that forever changed me and prepared me for the day I would meet my husband, Jeremy. Knowing and experiencing that solitude is vitally important (in my opinion). Even Adam knew and experienced that solitude in the garden before Eve came along :)

In that period, God confirmed that the response of faith for me was to see singleness as a committed life and not a lonely one. The moment that became content with my heart was the moment my Father took me by surprise by bringing Jeremy into my life. We married in 2006 and since has been a journey of intense joy, love, compassion, and adventure, but also tough struggles, mistakes, and constant change. Something I learned within our first year as husband & wife that has been a valuable reminder is that love is a choice. Everyday, regardless of how I "feel" or what mood I'm in, I wake up and choose to love my husband. Yes, I always want to and do not in anyway see it as a "chore"; however, most days it's a self conscience decision to pour my heart into loving Him as Christ loves me (Matt. 19:6).

God clearly intended transparency & openness as part of His plan for the marriage relationship- vulnerability without shame (Gen. 2:25). So, this is a lesson that has helped me on the hard days when I just seem to want the Drew Barrymore "Ever After" ending :) I realized early on that the self-sacrificing "Agape" kind of love that Jesus asked from Peter is the same that He desires from me and my marriage. The kind that is an act of will and not emotions (1 Cor. 13:4-8). Agape love is unselfish, undemanding, realizes the value of the one they're loving, recognizes responsibility, continually grows, never fades & is pure (1 Cor.13:12-13).

When all aspects of this Christ-like love find expression in marriage "the house will be built, established, and filled with precious & pleasant riches." (Prov. 14:1, 24:3-4). So, whether your singleness is temporary or permanent, there is an Agape love to experience now...in the arms of Christ!

By: Maegan Roper
Location: Nashville, TN
Blog: http://maeganroper.blogspot.com/