The Empty Pursuit

Most of my friends (ok, all of them) can tell you that I'm a little directionally impaired.  I can't remember a time since I started driving that this wasn't the case.  It's like my internal compass is broken and I somehow always manage to get lost, especially if I'm completely unfamiliar with the area.  Needless to say, it's pretty frustrating...and slightly embarrassing at times.  Thankfully I now have a smart phone that's smarter than me & gives me turn by turn directions!  Life changer y'all, seriously. Because, when you have to be somewhere, it's helpful to know where you're going and how to get there.  Being lost is one of the worst feelings I can think of.  I hate every.single.minute of it, and am thoroughly relieved when I've finally found my way. 

I recently walked through a season where my faith was majorly put to the test.  Not the, "I'm not sure if I believe in God anymore" kind of test.  No, it was the kind that left me wondering if I'm really being led by Him and can still hear Him speaking to me personally.  Almost worse for a girl who won't make a move without first knowing that God is directing.  It left me feeling a little sick inside. Empty. Lost. 

What is our natural inclination when we feel empty, or lost?  To fill ourselves with something.  Anything that will erase, or at least numb, the void we feel in the depth of our being.  The problem is, when we turn to anything other than God to feel whole, we will still be left empty.  Oh sure, it'll feel great for a little while...until the high eventually wears off.  And, it will.  It always does. Then, we're left standing there, spinning in circles because the direction we should have taken was toward God, not away from Him.  It's not always something extreme like sex, pornography, or excessive drinking that causes us to stray.  No, sometimes it's more subtle than that.  And, all it takes is one weak moment.

Recently, I began struggling again with feeling inferior & unattractive.  A battle that tries to rear its ugly head from time to time, but one that I experienced a lot of freedom in last year.  So, when it popped back up (not welcomed, of course), I knew immediately what triggered it.  I had let my guard down and instead of refusing to believe the lies, I went the opposite direction.  I numbed the feelings of insecurity, and did what a lot of girls probably do...I shopped more.  I thought if I can just buy more beautiful things and keep "improving" on what God gave me, then maybe I'll feel whole again.  Secure.  Pretty.  Except, that didn't work.  Those "things" can't complete me or satisfy me the way that only God can.  They weren't meant to.  So, is it wrong for me to enjoy fashion & "girly" stuff? Not at all.  But, is it destructive when I look to that alone to give me value & worth?  Absolutely.

I'd like to say I passed this test right away, but unfortunately, that's not how this story goes.  I "went around the mountain" a few times, thus causing a lot of unnecessary heartache for myself.  Isn't that what we humans are so good at?  Falling into temptation, hanging out there for a while, until we feel so utterly broken and lost that all we want is to make our way back home.

Thankfully, the journey doesn't have to end with heartache and failure.  God is pretty great at beckoning us home.  Actually, He's the best.  Whatever it is in your life that seeks to draw you away from the only One who can truly heal our emptiness and pain, you can make a conscious choice to put a stop to the empty pursuit, and go the other direction.  God's still in the same spot.  We need only to turn around.